nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We left an ass print on the piano.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
