i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
