I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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