FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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