Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
did i walk over a car last night?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
