You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
