hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
