don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
