He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
