and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
