I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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