HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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