she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
