He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
