This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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