We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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