So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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