the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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