Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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