Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
