if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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