when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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