she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
