Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
