Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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