I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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