so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she peed on how many people?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You had me at "let me see your balls"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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