So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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