You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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