the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
