i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
