i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
you made out with another girl for some wings
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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