It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
