Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
