you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
