I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
