remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
