Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
