Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
