Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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