this beer tastes like vomit already
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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