they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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