I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
