The best revenge is premature balding
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
