Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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