I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
