Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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