at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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