She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
