he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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