the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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