I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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