You're so nebulous sometimes
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
