i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
