Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
