we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
