I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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