dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
