Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
