for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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