A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
