He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
how drunk are you?
Several
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize