No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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