went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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