I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
