be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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